033: THE LIVE-IN LIST: GOING OUT
What do you wear to go out? This is the question I’ve been asking girlfriends, colleagues, acquaintances, and near-strangers as of late. For the past few months, it's a topic that’s been on my mind and a conversation I’ve been having on repeat. My personal circumstances are playing a big role in this, admittedly. I am three months out of a long-term relationship, and in the midst of a major career change (I went from full-time to freelance this fall), so I’ve recently found myself with a social life revolving more around networking and negronis, than Netflix. I have questions about how to dress for it.
My hunch is that I’m not the only one experiencing this kind of style dysphoria. Many of us have had to re-learn how to dress for socializing post-pandemic. When the world opened up in late 2021, I was preoccupied with returning to the office. I re-invested primarily in going back to work, going out was kind of an afterthought.
So, I’ve been asking questions - of myself and of others. How do I dress up and still feel like me? How do I balance exposed skin with personal style? Are we wearing heels again? Halter tops? It’s a developing line of inquiry, but a timely one, given the approaching holiday season and coinciding merriment. For my inaugural “live-in list,” I’m sharing the start of my findings with you.
“I’ve been feeling very woman-out-and-about recently and want to move throughout the city in durable, easy clothes. I’m going the Carre Otis for Calvin Klein 1991 ad look: Hulking leather biker jacket, black Kevlar-thick straight leg jeans, and a sturdy boot that can kick multiple asses at once. Recently, I wore a fat, leather, belted jacket from the early 90s that I cinch to suffocation—that freaky-waisted Alaia silhouette, Calvin black jeans with their old label, and these By Far boots that the brand sent me…they make an incredible walloping slap when they hit the ground … the boots are one of the few new things I own and I grind them down. The By Far girls know their leathers!”
Jessica Neises, told me her go-to is baggy jeans and a fitted top. When pressed on the type of top she shared this one from Miaou. “I wear this top almost every night,” she told me. “I found it cheaper on Poshmark. It has a corset structure and it pushes your boobs up. It’s the best.” Miaou seems to be a popular choice for going-out clothes in general. I clocked a few of their pieces at the HommeGirls party last week - including these low-rise, faux-leather pants.
When I asked via Instagram, Nikki Ogunaike replied with “jeans and a top! 2000s forever!!” And the aughts-combination does seem to be a classic. A Great Eros wrap top with dark wash, bootcut jeans came highly-recommended by my friend, Che Baez, while Sloane Nadelman pairs a Gil Rodriguez bodysuit with Judi Rosen’s “bum-lifting” styles. “It’s comfortable and chic,” she told me.
“As a 36 year old, I’m totally embracing dark or gray denim with a black belt and boot. Classics,” Rebecca Alaniz told me. Simone Paasche echoed the sentiment. “(I wear a) Missoni purple cardigan, not all the way buttoned, and high-rise Khaite jeans - my hip mom look.”
Personally, I’ve been liking the balance of low-rise, baggy jeans with a tinier top most of the time. I’ll wear a high rise pair when I want to have more shape in my hips and legs, or when I want to feel more buttoned-up in general.
My sliding scale of "at home" to "out" outfits is pretty much measured by the inseam of my pants, where my sweats are a very intentional don't-get-in-my-way ankle crop and my most ambitious looks require a boot or wedge with a few-inch heel. Northward, what I wear on top has everything to do with if it's a night for the girls: an occasion for a sexy top with a disarmingly "off" twist. Otherwise, it's a sly button down or a great knit. None of these things really matter in fall or winter, though, when it's a coat's game. I'm really into this long Liberowe one I've been wearing lately, but it's good to have a solid wardrobe to rotate through!
Jeans and a top may be the bread and butter of going out clothes, but what if I want something more gourmet? Lilli Millhiser told me that when going out “I want to wear the nicer things I don’t often get to wear, but also never want to feel too dressed up.” My thoughts exactly. She likes trousers and nice shoes or heels - currently Khaite boots, Chanel ballet flats, or old Celine suede pumps.
Imani Randolph’s going out look is made of a black Negative Underwear whipped-cotton long sleeve shirt, a miniskirt, and a pair of knee high boots. “I like this combo because it allows me to show some skin, obviously, via the leg, but the Negative Underwear long sleeve has the perfect amount of sheerness as well; sexy but not overly-exposing.”
My friend, Meaghan Hartland, described her go-to look as a “bitchy kitten heel, black sheer tights, socks, or stockings with a seam, a red mani-pedi, and a slip dress or skirt.” I replied, “hot!!” Jess Graves also likes tights, paired with a short hemline.
Transparent pieces, which have been big on the runways recently, are popular as well. Olivia Ball likes sheer knit dresses and Mona Esser Pennock likes mesh tops of all kinds.
Balance, loose and tight, exposed and not, etc., is the key to a lot of this. Nobody wants to feel naked (unless, well, it’s an occasion for feeling naked) but they want an air of suggestion. Ultimately it’s about how you wear it and knowing what you like, both style-wise and what you like to emphasize. Do you love showing your legs? Your shoulders? Go from there.
Nora Grubb alerted me to Maryam Nassir Zadeh’s dance pants, which she said she wears with a tank or top from Pleats Please. I bought my own from the SSense sale, and paired them with a tank from Reformation and Aeyde mary janes. Maybe I’m influenced by their name, but I do want to take these pants dancing.
My footwear depends on how casual or dressed up I want to feel. A shoe can dictate the mood of any outfit, knocking it down or notching it up. I’ve been rotating through sneakers, a low or block heel, and boots. These new boots from Emme Parsons are sexy and very comfortable, and I recently found a pair of knee-high, suede Stuart Weitzman boots on TRR (similar here, here, and here). I think they’ll come in handy as temperatures start to drop. Most of the time my bag is my tiny, vintage Prada in mustard yellow, found on Reluxe Fashion. It’s big enough to fit the essentials and has a back pocket for my phone.
I tend to keep my jewelry very subtle for both day and night. I’ve been playing with these tiny tennis pieces from Catbird lately, and their tinsel chain. The necklace is a nice sprinkling of gold. I like sticking these two drop earrings (here and here) on one ear. They’re festive, but not in your face about it, which is typically how I want to feel.
“This spring I ended a 13-year relationship and it was a challenge figuring out how to dress as a newly single woman. Recently I wore this Bottega Veneta dress from the Spring ‘20 collection (one more here). It’s revealing but not too short or tight. To me, confidence and ease are the two most attractive traits and I have been trying to build my going out wardrobe around these pillars. And showing a little skin as well!”
Over the past few months I’ve tried to embrace the growth that inevitably accompanies change. Shopping and styling are a welcome distraction from the pain of my breakup, but their purpose goes beyond that. Getting dressed lately has been a vehicle for self re-discovery and expression.
What I wear when I’m going out, or anytime really, ultimately is not about the attention or attraction of others. It’s about how I want to feel, how I want to move, or who I want to be for the evening. Having the tools to communicate those things is what I’m always striving for.
I just found your substack and I wanted to express that this is exactly the type of style content that has real value. What a treat to get a sneak peak into these women's closets. Fun, inspiring and REAL.
This is such an interesting piece. I went freelance a couple of years ago (and mostly work from home) and dressing up to go out suddenly became a lot more challenging. For me, a solid pair of black straight-leg pants and an oversized shirt will always make me feel good - and more importantly, like a zhushed-up version of myself. Which is the best feeling for a night out.